So, I’m doing this thing…wanna come (be wild and free)?

Hi Friend, 

Last weekend, I took a three-day road trip to LA. Santa Monica, specifically. I drove my Jeep Renegade. A car I bought not long after my divorce simply because it made me feel wild and free. 

I’ve taken my Jeep to go off-roading in Tucson with my Dad; paddle boarding at Saguaro Lake; camping in Flagstaff; hiking in the pine tree forests near Greer; wading in the Pacific Ocean in San Diego; and biking along the boardwalk in Oceanside. 

I took my then 18YO son to LA. We visited Universal Studios, drove up to Griffith Observatory late at night for a stunning view of the city, rode the roller coasters at Santa Monica Pier and drove through Beverly Hills searching for an early morning breakfast. 

I drove Pacific Coast Highway with my oldest, stopping in Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, Big Sur and Carmel before we drove into the late afternoon fog of San Francisco, and across the Golden Gate Bridge to John Muir Woods, where we hiked among the redwoods. 

Henry and I took his Grandpa to the Cookie Cabin at the top of Mount Lemmon, before the rain crashed down upon us and my little Jeep safely carried us down the mountain and back home. 

I bought my Jeep because of how it made me feel. Imagining myself in it unlocked a world of experiences that I had been putting off for so many years and so many reasons. It’s impractical, driving takes too long, I don’t know how to camp, I don’t have time, I don’t have the money, I have to work, my kids have school, I can’t [fill in the blank] by myself…the list goes on. 

When I bought my Jeep, (her name is Lady by the way), I rediscovered a piece of myself that I had hidden away for a long time. I had forgotten that I used to bike weekends in the rolling hills of Missouri when I was in college. That I used to ride my bike six miles each way to work and back at my very first job as a marketing assistant in Tucson. Or that I used to hike and bike South Mountain every chance I could get. I remembered that I sometimes ran the quarter mile track at the nearby high school. It meant that I could bring my two older boys, so little then, with me to camp out in the grass or climb the bleachers, while I counted out my laps. 

I remembered me… wild and free… before I started layering on marital, societal, familial, professional and even gender expectations about who I was supposed to be as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a woman. Suddenly, there were PTA meetings and volunteering and bake sales, and then as my career grew, there was work travel sandwiched between parent teacher conferences and homework and projects and sports and keeping the house up and taking the pets to the vet. 

I wondered where along the way did I start to disappear under a mountain of musts and shoulds and haven’t you yets. When did going for a run or a ride, carving out time for myself, freeing myself to simply be me, just for a little while, become something selfish and self-absorbed. When did the complaints and the “you’re never heres”, despite the fact that they were not true, become excuses for trying a little less hard. When did it become impossible to find time, and my reprieves became mid-afternoon naps on the weekend because at least I was still home and besides, I was so damn exhausted that for a while resting was all I could manage. 

In the last few years, between life forcing me to take a break (I took a three month leave of absence to help my parents manage through a health crisis) and my intentional, post-COVID 9-month sabbatical, I have learned to slow down, to relax, to remember who I am when I can let go of all there is to do. I am being wild and free — bringing me back to myself. 

The retreat (S E E D) that I attended - hosted by two beautiful and amazing women (Jen Dohr of Authentic Voice and Wanda Wen of Soolip) - was a full day of gentle yoga, writing to connect with my authentic voice, playfully creating a beautiful hand-made journal, and connecting with so many other women who have also found themselves exhausted by the demands of the world around them. This 7-hour day was their gift to themselves. 

As I reflect on that day, I find that I am reinvigorated, relaxed, and so at peace. I realize that I had spent an entire day being present and in the moment. I didn’t worry about what was next, or who needed what (I had even turned my phone off and put it away). I simply followed Jen and Wanda through the day, intentionally participating in each moment. I rediscovered what it was to be. The whole weekend was an opportunity to live my life wild and free.

Where might you find yourself if you followed your whim, just a little? What might you discover if you let yourself be wild and free? (It’s a little scary even considering it - a sure sign you must try it.) Where might the best parts of you take you? 

So, I’m doing this thing… wanna come?

Lots of love,

Christine