So, I’m doing this thing…wanna come (find the child within)?

Hi Friend,

This morning, I'm watching the sun crest over the buildings to the east, gilding the fence line along the water. I think of how beautiful all of this is, how connected we are to the all of everything and how in many ways, I’m still that little girl doodling and drawing, reading and writing, passing the time in quiet connection with myself. Today, I’m reflecting on the previous day, when I spent hours drawing with my six year old son. 

He wanted me to draw with him. So we took out our pencils and crayons and markers and laid on the carpet on our living room floor and played on our white printer paper. He drew characters and monsters — carefully following some YouTube instructor’s directions. I found peace in sketching a bit of whimsy I found on Pinterest — a lantern lit path through an enchanted forest, fairy lights tumbling down tree trunks, illuminating the way to some place deep within. I was so delighted by this entire experience. I felt deeply connected to those parts of me that never get an audience - the part of me who believes in fairies, who loves the whimsical, that light-hearted, joy filled little girl who still believes in magic. 

That evening after the little guy went to bed, I found myself still sketching, instead of watching TV - satiated by a day well done. It had been a full and delicious day. In addition to drawing, my day was full of "responsible activities” as well. I went to the bank, talked with the plumbers, spent time with my two older boys who were also over. I cleaned my house, threw out old things in the bathroom cabinets and shower. We all went to the used/antique store to find some new things for my home - an old bedside table that holds my stacks of books and pens, and tarot cards and rubber bands more neatly, and a narrow bookshelf for beside my couch that can hold even more books, because somehow I always seem to accumulate them. 

We reorganized my son’s toys so they could fit beneath his loft bed, which he's now old enough to sleep in. I even paid some bills. And yet, I still had time to draw, for hours. What did I forsake? That weird dance with myself where I find myself doing not much of value because I'm too busy telling myself I don't have time to do what I really want to do, because I should be (fill in the blank) instead. I end up creating a stalemate with myself and settle for something ridiculous like binging Netflix. Somehow this past weekend, instead of arguing, I simply let my own inner wisdom follow its own whimsical path throughout the day — stopping here and stopping there… discovering new things, remembering old ones, without trying to should all over myself.  

This morning watching the sun rise, I realized drawing was a doorway for me - a way to reconnect with an important part of me, that wonderful little girl who still has so much to teach me. I now know how to get back to her intentionally when the world has succeeded in wrestling me away from my center. All I need is a pencil, a blank piece of paper, and a moment to myself. 

Lots of love,

Christine